#me after independently seeking out and consuming thousands of words of fuck: and now what if they didnt do that

[theoryofarson]

something interesting going on psychologically w me bc i just read a fuck ton of gomens smutfic and have now decided to headcanon crowley as ace

[radne-le-roman-blog]

Is there such thing as a May onward resolution?

No clue. Not in the slightest. It now exists, because this probably should’ve been a New Year’s one, over on Randythewriter. But, I created this one because it’s a joke that @poppyredrose560 made (my name - Radne), so I could let some shit out without dude getting in the way, until I fucked up and reblogged something using this account. So now I need to think of a new username. (Cough, cough) Poppy, you come up with genius names and even Death ROW that I would’ve never gotten, make me a new nickname please. (cough cough).

Only joking, Pop. I’ma sorry I pissed you off last night, I won’t pretend I was in the right, I only thought you meant it be me included with ‘men, positions’, so I left because I identify as a male cyborg. I’m sorry. I just wanted to be a guard. And fight Ironforge.

Is there such thing as a male cyborg, or is it just a cyborg? I’m off topic.

Like I said seventy tribillion years ago or something, I don’t delete things like this and just type without editing, minus spelling mistakes.

So, hi.

Hi, if you don’t know me, you’re about to either click off, or scroll down to some depressing shit about Death Row, and myself, with the lil eld Riley O. Warren, n Oscar, n Belina, n Andrew all having some dark few moments. Riley and I especially.

And if you do know me, whether that be from years ago, or you don’t like me anymore, or anything, unless you’re Pop or another unnamed person, don’t knot your knickers - I do actually have friends, and don’t wear knickers, or really care anymore, you won’t know me. Probably.

I don’t know how long the onward part of this will be, maybe three weeks until I come back on Radne, maybe a few months, maybe six odd years, or never. But, Randythewriter is dead, and he ain’t coming back. I feel like, deactivating the account is disrespectful, so I just cut all things unrelated on Randy, and then left it. I’m not cutting things here.

So, Radne will join him, and Idk, Ra the Kettle Roman will join the world fresh and new. (shrug) Not happening.

I know it’d be easy to find me. But this isn’t for you, whoever reads this. It’s for me.

-The-random-writer- died months ago, and now my current tumblrs are too, and while I’m not giving up the site, or the internet, which to be honest, I probably should have considering everything - guess the word strong somewhat applies to me, I’m giving up the things known.

Writing, eh, maybe in June, Pop.

SV was nice while it lasted in my mind, and yeah, I guess I’m beginning to structure it for myself, I guess it all changes when there’s no mate for Kettle-Kurt to lean on. But no, Aaron won’t go. But a lot will.

PG, Toby, dude, you’re dead as fuck, go back to your grave and do not try this hologram shit. And do not kill me, when I have a piece of paper in my hand saying ‘traitor’, I’ll get that on my wrist at some point, give me a break, I’ll get tattoos for your and Aarurt later on.. at some point. (Gravestone: Randy Roman, ‘97-2047, never kept his promises on tattoos. Because. Asshole.).

But, I’m dropping this account, if it wasn’t obvious. Oh, wait. I want another.

Death Row, or DR if we go with the trends of others, you mark my new, Riley, my man, you stick in there, and Andrew (apparently my actual name could be Randy, Randy is short for Andrew, weird fact from Randy), you keep investigating, you utter nutter. And Belina, have a heart, here, take mine, it was kinda stabbed in the front though.

What am I doing? Jake, you corrupted my fucking soul.

I’ve only said fuck twice - three times now, I’m doing good.

This is what three day weekends do to me, thank you bank holidays.

Oscar, be there for Riley, he’s a mess, just like yerself, quit parrot teaching, quit the repartes that break both yer hearts, and cuddle, ffs.

I’m the creator and telling them what to do instead of fixing them... Right...

JD, die. You little shit, die.

That’s over now.

So, I thought I’d do that, because I haven’t used wattpad in over a month, and even then, all I did was chat with an old friend, with no notifications for months.

I’ll probably still occasionally drop in on it.

WoW, bitch, you’ve been with me for two years, I think, I cannot quit you, my level 64  bastard who gets stupid tasks~. Randyroman, you have such a creative name and I love you. You’re just on a dead server. And Louis hates me for that one.

To the point. I’m done with this account, and being battered from both sides, mine and yours for feelings. *cough* yes, fucking hypocritical, yes, no caring in the world right now. Your biggest fighting method is something that happened once or twice, that I actually do not really remember, nor care, because in my eyes, I’m fairly glad it was sent to you, even if I hate myself so much for everything I’ve done, at least I finally came out of the ‘toxic’ arms that everyone told me you have. And that may be so, but I’m uncaring for opinions.

I smiled. Today, I’ve smiled and laughed and had a lot of fun. I haven’t felt it that much, to be honest. Poppy is a great laugh, but I’ve not really done too much of it until today. And that’s what’s opened my eyes a lot. From scribbling lyrics with Jake, or swinging on swings with Ellisha sitting on me, Adam and Jake either side of me, and an empty seat she could easily fucking sit on, to just eating breakfast and cheering when we found out Jake has his entire GCSEs correct and will begin them in a month or so, I’ve laughed and smiled.

I was happy. Actually happy. Even with HU in the background, the occasional stab in the front, and then MatPat raging, Caitlin crying in delight (we got cat today, lil kitten kute, or as Poppy will get - yes we actually did this, because, for some reason, I was allowed to choose the name - Kore le Kute, I’m spending so much more time here just for lil Kore, every weekend I want to be here), to just taking a nap, and not dreaming about terror, death, or you. I was happy.

Recently, I’ve had some lyrics coming left right and centre, so, I thought, I’d add some in the end.

But, this is probably goodbye from me today. And maybe awhile. Maybe, I’ll come back in June. I don’t know. There will probably be a tag with ‘q’ if I find anything I want to post for after this. And when there’s not, I’m probably back, from Ra the kettle Roman.

So, I want to be dehumanized, yes, and I’m not consuming enough food, seeking the help I need, or doing things I should be, but I’m doing this. Because maybe I want this pain, but maybe I want independence.

So, take your Randy shit, and seize this opportunity to post anything. I’m not crying tonight. I haven’t been crying for awhile. But my May onward resolution, is to not cry from you. For as long as possible.

I have about twenty thousand songs, but let’s try this.

“ I don't believe in all your demons anymore

It's hard to see with any reason from before

I lie awake and face these shadows in the night

I see the truth through crimson eyes”

“ Got my cards lined up in a row

Up in flames and away we go

Lost my name but it's etched in stone

Take me home when the cold wind blows.

Ain't no grave gonna hold me down

Wide awake so don't make a sound

Ain't no way you can break me down

No one sings, no escaping now”

“ Let go, oh

Love isn't good enough

Let go, oh

Love isn't good enough

And the waves in the sea

They slip away just like me

So let go, oh

You weren't good enough”

“Dark hearts don’t break, they bruise.”

“Cause I, I think of you now and then, the memories never end, when gravity pulls you in”

“ I am a lion and I want to be free

Do you see the lion when you look inside of me

Outside the window just to watch you as you sleep

'Cause I am a lion born from things you can not be”

“ Beneath the covers while I hide behind the pain

After all only so much we can say

Words can lose their meaning once you walk away

Promise me that you'll love me, watch me as I fade

I'll give you all the things that these lions never gave

The hands on the clock and the things we cannot change

Tearin' out the pieces and take back what I made

If there's one thing I'd keep, it's you that I would save”

“ I don't know why I cut myself.

God give me a sign or help, I won't cry.

It'll be fine I'll take my last breath.

Push it out my chest till there's nothing left.”

“Have you ever met a living legend,

Just a real friend who planned his end?

And where do I begin?

You said it was pretend.

And when the bullet went through,

It took more than just you.

It took two, it was you,

It was me, and suddenly.

How can someone say they're helpless,

And then they act so selfish?

You put me through hell with this,

So fuck you let's just end this.

And what about our friendship?

What you did was senseless.

You thought you found an exit?

Like I said, let's end this!”

“ Someone left the door open

Who left me outside

I'm bent, I'm not broken

Come live in my life

All the words left unspoken

Are the pages I write

On my knees and I'm hoping

That someone holds me tonight

Hold me tonight”

“ 'Cause I

I think of you now and then

The memories never end when

Gravity pulls you in

(You in, you in, you in, you in)”

All HU, nice songs, these are some I thought you’d like. Take me home, let go, gravity, lion, circles, the loss, outside.

And then just the entirety of True Friends, which I quite enjoy.

So, goodbye.

( Now I can see your pain, I'm sorry!

GOODBYE!

I cry so hard.

Now I can see your pain, I'm sorry!

GOODBYE!

I cry tonight!) (Pain - HU)

Goodbye for now,

Hasta luego.

Good day.

And I love you.

And if you decide to delete some of our memories, that’s okay. Danny and Da kurlzz have a little something to say to you.

And so do I.

But, I’d prefer you not to, maybe you’d like to look back at times. I don’t care if there are any pending messages from me, but the ones that exist, once they get deleted, maybe they’re gone forever. And I know you’re petty enough to now go delete them and make a few more telling me to piss off.

Maybe one day you’d want to look back. Maybe if you delete them from you, it deletes from mine too. So delete them all, if you delete any. You can keep the one that says that you wouldn’t care about my status as a human, alive or dead, for all I care, that’s what begun my thoughts and nightmares of you killing me. And yet you’ve said before that… that you don’t want me to die. Shock, horror, even I was surprised to have that quoted. I won’t call bullshit, only the truth of my thoughts.

Delete the happy moments, Hunter, if that is what you wish, don’t do it out of petty spite. Delete the happy and the sad, until there is no trace of us, until there are ten posts on Randythewriter, where you cannot visit, where there is only the evil on Radne, the truth and what you did to me. If that’s what you wish.

I know you saw last nights thing. So, fly to Andromeda, and take your posts with you.

I.

Will.

Not.

Cry.

Over.

You.

I fucking loved you.

And finally,

I’m using the right word.